On the surface, I seem to be perfectly fine nowadays; but in reality, my inner self is a huge mess. Ever since many fall outs with different friends in the past two years, I haven’t been the same. I didn’t really know about it until my boyfriend pointed it out to me. I don’t try to get close to people anymore, I don’t open up myself much anymore. Not even to people that I used to be close with.
It’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of getting close to people and then they up and leave me. Like usual. It’s really difficult for me when I have close friends that disappear on me, or we just tend to float apart. So I try to protect myself.
It’s a bad habit that I have gotten into… but I don’t know how to get back out of it. I know I need to stop shutting myself out so much, but is it really worth the risk to get hurt again? Sigh, I wish it was an easy decision.